Can We Get Personal Here?

From the many blogs I've read so far I guess I'm suppose to tell you something about myself.

I was raised in a different time.  A time when children were seen and not heard.

It just amazes me how far society has come in "hearing" each other.  But then again I am sure there are many "baby-boomers" raised similar in the way I was, and possibly raised their children to have "voices," do to the lack of  not being allowed to express theirs.

I have two grown daughters.  They don't have voices.  They have mouths.

As they were growing up I must admit that it was at times very difficult to listen to those mouths, but I was determined that they should feel empowered and be able to verbally express themselves. I didn't have a blueprint on how this was supposed to be done, and pretty much stumbled my way through. But I felt that It was important that they have thoughts, ideas, questions, opinions and a vocabulary to express them with.

They practiced on me.

My younger (25) daughter just today thanked me for taking the time to have her stop and think about what she wanted to say, and find the words she needed to when she was younger in order to express herself.

Words mothers love to hear.

With both my girls these opportunities tended to present themselves at those times when they were very frustrated and angry.......usually with me.  And those mouths would get pretty mouthy.  Mom @#$%^&*.  Yep, mouthy.

It was very difficult not to react back to them with all the things one could say at that given time. You're ground was always a handy one. And sometimes I did..  And sometimes they were.  

However many times I asked them to better explain to me what they were feeling so I could  understand what was happening inside them.  This takes time and the acknowledgment that your mouthy 6, 11, 15 year old's thoughts, ideas, questions, opinions and feelings have the right to be expressed and respected by an adult. It's the adults responsibility to validate and teach a child the way to communicate these feelings, thoughts,questions, opinions and ideas with appropriate words, and thereby ingraining a child's respect for oneself and others.

Now, you are thinking, of course this makes sense.  Isn't that what parents are suppose to do?  Yes, I do. And I'm glad I broke the "rules" when I raised my girls.  It is so much easier to redirect a "mouth" then to try and get one to talk.

As a child  I kept all my thoughts, ideas, questions, feelings and opinions to myself. I didn't realize that you were suppose to have any. In conversations I would nod my head yes, agreeing with the speaker saying, "isn't that interesting, tell me more." I was viewed as a very intelligent young lady.

Of course as the years passed this was a deficiency that I overcame with a course on Assertiveness Training and a good therapist.  It however is so ingrained that my first reaction to all this "social networking," bloging, tweeting etc., just amused the $%^&*() out of me.  I just couldn't understand what the importance was of what everyone had to say.

Then I realized how I raised my girls. To be articulate, educated woman who had the ingrained respect that their thoughts, opinions, feelings, questions and ideas were part of who they are and it is their nature to express them.  No wonder the "social network" is booming.  We have a generation who has something to say in an educated, interesting and articulate way.

Gosh, I'm so glad as a mother I didn't screw that one up.  So if my girls get a little mouthy with me, and yes, it sometimes still happens, I'm just grateful that they can use them.  I still ask however if there's some other words they can find to express themselves!

When I grow up I want to be like my daughters.

My next blog post will be about how I got my "creative voice."